I am so SICK of people telling me who I should be, what I should do, what I can't or can expect from myself! Do I look like an Illuminati puppet to you? That you can control every inexplicable detail of my life from the way how I walk to the way how I laugh? I seriously think that you have a head problem if you think that you actually have a chance to control me. There's something to tell you: Ain't ever gonna happen :)
So stop being mean, accept people for who they are and maybe you won't die a lonely person :)
 I mean, I have already accepted myself for who I am, so stop trying to make me feel otherwise cuz you seriously have no life at all --
 There's one song here that totally describes what I am feeling:



I've had enough, this is my prayer,
That I'll die living as free as my hair,
I am my hair....
I just want to be free, I just wanna be me,
And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties,
Don't want to change and I'm not ashamed,
I'm the spirit of my hair, its all the glory that I bear,
I am my hair~

This song talks about a metaphor of how Lady Gaga uses her hair as an emphasis on freedom and she yearns to be as free as it. There is also one part where she asks her parents, "mom and dad, why can't I be who I want to be?" and then she makes this song as a prayer to be free.

Another song:



You, with your words like knifes and swords, weapons that you use against me, 
You knocked me off my feet and got me feeling like a nothing,
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded, 
You, pickin' on the weaker men,
You can take me down, with just one single blow,
But you don't know, but you don't know, 
That someday, I'll be living in a big old city and all your ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me, 
And all your ever gonna be is mean~

This song tells of a very mean person getting on Taylor Swift's nerves and making her feel like a nothing. Yeah, there is also someone like that in my life that I seriously feel like clawing their faces of --

Labels: feelings, music, rant

 Tomorrows the 31st of July and you know what that means? Baskin Robbins!! Oh how I love this time of the month :D And also can;t believe it, first it was Micheal Jackson, and now its Amy Winehouse... So much good celebs all going away one by one... And this two have a lot in common such as the fact they both died by drug/substance abuse, were struggling by the time the media labelled them as psycho's who can't do nothing but self destruct themselves, and after they both passed on then only did their album records started soaring and the media finally gave them the recognition they deserved... Guess the old saying is still valid: You never know what you have till its gone.
R.I.P Amy Winehouse, hope your finally happy wherever you are :)
 About that saying, I can't believe I nearly lost the one who I consider as everything... I hope it will never happen again and it made me realise how important you mean... To me :) ILY forever and always <3
 Okay, done with the drama and all crap and now I gotta concentrate on my exams and I find its getting extremely difficult (the feeling not the exam) and I really really really really hope that at least I'll pass it if not... I am a total goner *sobs*

Labels: exam, feelings, movie, pictures

Page 1 says that your falling in and out of love~ 
Can't get those song lyrics out of my... Gotta thank my cousin for introducing me to Tino Coury's "Diary" :)
Percubaan is coming up so close... And whats worse? A quarter of our syllabus is not done yet plus the fact that I only did exercises and not studying... I think I'm gonna be die during this exam. Hope and pray that I can do well :)
I feel sick.... Whole body like going wacko with all the stress, anxiety, tears and fears... I don't know what to do when I am THIS stress for this year... Me feel like throwing a tantrum for all the childishly, stupid reasons that I can't think of.

Labels: rant, stress

 I honestly am so super tired of all this crap repeating itself everyday... They said that love is always beautiful... If it really is that beautiful why does crying yourself to sleep everyday happen? Arguments that make no sense? The feeling that everything you had was slipping out of your hands? It wasn't suppose to be like this... I thought stuff like this wasn't going to be happening for a long time but I guess I was too naive to think that it will not.

Your too busy with your life,
I'm trying to hold on,
You ask me whats wrong when I'm sad,
I want to tell you everything,
But I'm afraid that I'd messed up,
Behind my smile I'm hiding a lot of emotions,
When you said that you understand, 
I wonder if you really do...
This thing, is driving both of us crazy. 


Like one of this songs...



But one thing you don't know, I didn't want things to be this way... Never had and never will... I'd give a lot to get back what we used to have. Maybe you don't feel it but I do and its driving me crazy.

Labels: music, sadness, songs

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While i'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time
I've got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how we got into this mess it's a gods test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tearsEven after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these yearsWe just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first timeFor the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby
Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby~
I absolutely can relate to this song XP 

Labels: music, songs

 Well, with my phone acting seriously very weird (can't recieve smses, cutting of calls and etc) I decided its time to shop for a new phone (my absolute favourite thing to do is to find an opportunity to spend money on myself XD). But mum said even if I have the funds to get a new phone, she wouldn't let me get one cuz she wants to see 7A's on my result slip before she can make a decision *makes a face* Gosh, I wish it would be more simpler, I mean, I have been using an ancient phone for almost 3 years already so its time to get upgraded!
 I've been having my eye on this two phones and can't seem to decide which one is better...


I don't really do techie talk but all I can say is that I'm leaning more towards the Xperia Arc cuz
1) It just looks really awesome
2) 8.1 megapixels
3) HD quality videos
4) My most favourite - Timescape where you can communicate with someone in just one place =)

Though it is slightly expensive (1000+) I really don't mind spending a lot on something if it is truely worth it and it can last for a long (partially so I won't have to buy a new phone like every once a year)

Ohay, so away from all this technology review which I don't really don't do well and back to what I really do love: Music!



Though this song is quite old I still do have a soft spot for it... Plus I really do love songs that can make you think of all the memories that you hold so precious to you ♥

~You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter,
  You are the best thing, thats ever been mine ♥

Labels: handphones, music, wants

 Chapter by chapter, bit by bit, I could finally look back on our past history and one of my wishes was granted... I wanted to close the story of us on a happier chapter with a smile, although it did hurt the first time, now it doesn't anymore =) I'm happy for you and I hope wherever you are, I hope you are too =)

That was dedicated to a person in my past life but it doesn't matter anymore, the past is the past and nothing we say or do can really turn the hands of time, I've finally found closure and am happy for the path you have chosen =)

Long story short: No hard feelings anymore bub XD 




I love the new song from Charice... Its so darn inspirational =D
~I'm just gonna dance right through the pain, I just wanna feel that rhythm, feel that drum and let my heart beat, let my heart speak louder than my head  =)

Labels: acceptance, feelings, music

 Eh, todays Sukan wasn't so bad... Got to hang out with all of my friends and I think I just interrupted the start of something new... I had to be such a party pooper and if this is making no sense at all, yeah, it doesn't even make sense to me.
Its been almost four years since I haven't been to USM so I was surprised at how huge the field is... Seriously, it could fit 3 Olympic size swimming pools and still have room for a garage. Okay, I mayy have over-exaggerated things a little bit but yeah, it was huge o.o
 Today, finally everything was settled in a nice yet weird way... But c'mon... Its not as if I would bite your head of if you tell me our problems... Sheesh.
Nevermind about my stupid rantings. And my dear blog, I am so sorry for not updating for kinda a long (3 days... Or more) cuz there was just too many things going on and during my free time, I just fell asleep with exhaustion D= Thats it, my 15 year old body can't tahan de... I'm growing old.
 Well, on July 7th, mum took time out from work to send me to Viv's sweet 16 party in Paddington House Of Pancakes... I forgot how much I loved those pancakes since the last time I went there was when I was 11... But I had the salmon oglio oglio instead... Yummy XD Plus get to talk to friends and had staring competitions with each other but a few of us who have a erm... "Companion" got sabotaged by the fact that they were all saying our... "Companions" name to get us to blink XD Including me which was so not fair.
 After the lunch was finished, the rest of them wanted to watch Mr. Poppers Penguins but I couldn't go cuz it was just too long and my mum couldn't wait for that long XP
Ah well, it was a fun afternoon =)

Labels: fun, happiness, love

Labels: heart

 See No More, the new single from Joe Jonas is so coolll and it totally describes what I'm going through now... And there's one part going:

I don't wanna wait for you
I don't wanna wake up thinkin, hopin
You'll get it right this time
Cause you know that you’re so cold
I don't wanna see no more
And I can’t get away from you

I was a total idiot for giving you so much chances and I shouldn't have... I honestly feel that it is totally wasted:

It was so easy to trust you baby
Guess I was so stupid baby
I didn't ever think that this would come
You’re runnin right to another one

I really want things to be settled and I don't wanna wake up to another heartbreak everyday, because I wanna love my life and if that means being self centered and loving myself more than anyone else then I would do that also... Regardless of anyone that I have to push out of my life =)

I used to be afraid of letting go
The fragile part of me, i’m here right now
I need you to set me free
I can see it in your eyes
That you won’t blame on me this time
No, never
And I want you back but I won’t look back, no

All I keep seeing is your picture but I don't wanna see no more =)

Labels: anger, feelings, music

 I'm gonna get personal when I say that I hate being egoistical... Trust me, it is not the best feeling in the world but I guess thats the way I was born, I guess. I might never ever tell you my problems for fear of being vunerable but I am trying to tell you how I feel right? And isn't that the best that I can do?
 I think I have a problem with my ego... Its bigger than a hot air balloon, it makes me never admit that I am sad or fusterated and whats more, I pretend to smile even when I'm hurting on the inside. Its like whenever my close friends or the said person who made me sad asks me whats wrong, I find my self saying 'nothing' most of the time... I guess sometimes you just can't break your own walls down to let other people in who sincerely would like to help you XP Even one of my friends told me that I'm egoistical... Its really not my fault that I can't put my feelings onto words or expressions that can be understood by everyone else (in real life of course, words just tend to come out easier for me if a keyboard is near my fingers) =)
 For once, I honestly wish I had real, valid feelings that I can share instead of saying "nothing, I'm fine, no seriously, its not affecting me at all".
 I feel like I really want to break out of my shell and find real friends that I can really trust... But I guess that day has to wait since there are only like bout 3 people here in my life right now that I trust with my feelings. I know... Pathetic.

Its the way I am... Deal with it =P
P.S:

Labels: beautiful, feelings, rant

 I am completely obsessed with the song 'California King Bed' by Rihanna.... Just can't stop playing it on my Walkman =)




The vid is kinda sad too but the song is still awesome =)
P.S: Sorry for the long time that I haven't updated... Although it  has been like about one week...

Labels: music, songs

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