I'm gonna get personal when I say that I hate being egoistical... Trust me, it is not the best feeling in the world but I guess thats the way I was born, I guess. I might never ever tell you my problems for fear of being vunerable but I am trying to tell you how I feel right? And isn't that the best that I can do?
 I think I have a problem with my ego... Its bigger than a hot air balloon, it makes me never admit that I am sad or fusterated and whats more, I pretend to smile even when I'm hurting on the inside. Its like whenever my close friends or the said person who made me sad asks me whats wrong, I find my self saying 'nothing' most of the time... I guess sometimes you just can't break your own walls down to let other people in who sincerely would like to help you XP Even one of my friends told me that I'm egoistical... Its really not my fault that I can't put my feelings onto words or expressions that can be understood by everyone else (in real life of course, words just tend to come out easier for me if a keyboard is near my fingers) =)
 For once, I honestly wish I had real, valid feelings that I can share instead of saying "nothing, I'm fine, no seriously, its not affecting me at all".
 I feel like I really want to break out of my shell and find real friends that I can really trust... But I guess that day has to wait since there are only like bout 3 people here in my life right now that I trust with my feelings. I know... Pathetic.

Its the way I am... Deal with it =P
P.S:

Labels: beautiful, feelings, rant

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