A Little Bit Stronger
Its really funny that everythings been happening around me for such a short time, maybe a week perhaps, that I haven't even gotten use to the fact that yeah, you're gone alredy. Not gone as if totally gone, gone, but just... Not there for me in the way that I wanted. I know things will never be the same but I really don't know whether I should still hope or not? Fine... NOT.
It's also really funny now that I don't wake up early in the morning anymore and find myself missing you so much that I wanted to call you up and everything. Now, its more as if a different me is taking over, a me who is so afraid of commitment, someone who has walls up and who pretends to be happy even though she's not... I really don't like this new me, but what can I do anyway? I miss the me who was with you, she was way happier, didn't always feel numb, always felt something because of you (anger, fusteration, happiness, feeling as if I wanted to speak my mind out... Ah, good times). The point is that at least the old me had feelings and not walk around all day pretending as if everything is okay when it is so definitely NOT.
And this feeling of helplessness... It sickens me just to think about, the constant what if's, the wanting to have you back, I hate all of those feelings. 
Sometimes I wish that things would get back to normal, to the life that I'm used to but no, it can't be that way. I know you and I know me already all too well. if we would get back together, things will still be unsolved, there will be tons of misunderstandings because of our huge ego's and yeah, nobody will be much happy anyway. I know all this but somehow I just can't accept it.
Labels: feelings
